Thursday, December 3, 2009

The Greatest Band Ever...

Greg has been a little silent as of late... Oh well, we march on.
Note, this conversation has been slightly edited to make me sound funnier.  It's my blog... I can do what I want.

(10:11:51 AM) David Klotz: if you were getting married again, would you hire my band to play at your reception? We are called LANDFILL, and we do not take requests
(10:12:05 AM) Aaron Wagner: sure
(10:12:14 AM) Aaron Wagner: was that believable enough?
(10:12:24 AM) David Klotz: no
(10:12:49 AM) David Klotz: see i expected some resistance which i would counter with valid points
(10:15:16 AM) Aaron Wagner: ok... lets give this a shot
(10:15:32 AM) Aaron Wagner: HELL NO, I WOULD NEVER HIRE YOUR SHITTY BAND
(10:17:06 AM) David Klotz: well, while i understand your initial response, let me point out that IF you hire my band, not only will we thrill and entertain, we will no doubt make the rest of the wedding and reception seem all that much better.
(10:17:50 AM) Aaron Wagner: I dont know... how many Bass players do you have?
(10:18:07 AM) David Klotz: we have one really large bass player, so he's almost as good as two.
(10:18:34 AM) Aaron Wagner: does he sweat a lot?
(10:18:41 AM) David Klotz: keep in mind that we play all original music, and we may pepper in some love songs or cover songs, however, we do not take requests
(10:18:48 AM) David Klotz: he sweats the "right" amount
(10:19:40 AM) Aaron Wagner: I think I need a lot of sweat... what about your drummer... how many crash cymbals does he have and how often does he use them, on average, in any given song?
(10:20:02 AM) David Klotz: oh, he only plays the crash cymbals
(10:20:09 AM) David Klotz: the drums are for show only
(10:20:22 AM) Aaron Wagner: so no snare, no bass drum...
(10:20:28 AM) David Klotz: not one time
(10:21:47 AM) Aaron Wagner: perfect.... now, the really important question... You're lead singer needs to be dressed in Lady-Gaa-Gaa-esquie atire... that's VERY important... he/she needs to make at least 5 costume changes over the course of the evening
(10:22:05 AM) David Klotz: like i said, we do not take requests
(10:22:08 AM) David Klotz: none
(10:22:49 AM) Aaron Wagner: ohh... so close... Looks like we're going to go with "Sanitary Refuse Disposal Area" to play instead
(10:23:22 AM) David Klotz: what i can guarantee is that your guests will walk away from your wedding with a story to tell all their friends and family, you get a story to go in your scrapbook, and we get a fat check to spend on hookers and blow
(10:24:00 AM) Aaron Wagner: You've sold me... now, how "fat" of a check are we talking about?
(10:24:19 AM) Aaron Wagner: because I can only afford about $20 for a band of your talent
(10:24:53 AM) David Klotz: but we are the most talented band of our kind
(10:25:22 AM) David Klotz: our usual cut is $300 and a dinner, but in your case, because i like you, I'll do you a solid
(10:25:39 AM) David Klotz: $400 plus a dinner, and we'll take out the trash after the wedding
(10:25:58 AM) Aaron Wagner: that's a lot of blow...
(10:26:07 AM) David Klotz: you're forgetting the hookers
(10:26:28 AM) Aaron Wagner: oh, well, How about $500 and the number to an agency
(10:27:16 AM) David Klotz: deal

Monday, November 30, 2009

TWSS Win...

(12:37:52 PM) Greg Laurent: you'd be proud of me
(12:38:08 PM) Greg Laurent: the techs are working on a computer
(12:38:11 PM) Greg Laurent: at the table next to me
(12:38:18 PM) Greg Laurent: and i hear
(12:41:02 PM) Greg Laurent: tech 1 "push it harder"
tech 2 "it's getting loose from me jamming it in there"

me ".... That's what she said"

tech 1 "Don't make me come ... "

me "... TWSS" (before he can finish his sentence)
(12:41:34 PM) Aaron Wagner: NICE
(12:41:39 PM) Aaron Wagner: that's epic
(12:41:45 PM) Greg Laurent: it was bad ass
(12:41:59 PM) Greg Laurent: all i heard was snickering from the back office from my boss and the database girl

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

GameStop = Smash Burger?

Greg has been quite as of late.

(12:19:59 PM) David Klotz: i forgot to tell you that there is a full service Game Stop in the restroom at Smash Burger
(12:20:18 PM) Aaron Wagner: hahaha... YES
(12:20:25 PM) David Klotz: the guy kept trying to sell me the Beatles Rock Band game while i was in there
(12:20:38 PM) David Klotz: i was like, I don't want your dumb game, i just want to piss
(12:20:47 PM) David Klotz: - no, i dont need help
(12:20:50 PM) David Klotz: geesh1
(12:21:02 PM) David Klotz: exclamation point fail

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

New word...

So, in usual "Dave" fashion, here's the newest conversation:

(3:25:29 PM) David Klotz: i created a new vulgar term that could tear our friendship apart
(3:25:41 PM) Aaron Wagner: hahaha... hit me
(3:25:54 PM) Aaron Wagner: it was shaky to begin with
(3:26:14 PM) David Klotz: its so vile and gross that i am positive that unless you are of depraved sensibilities, you will be so horrified by it that you may not speak to me on a non-professional level ever again
(3:26:31 PM) Aaron Wagner: out with it
(3:26:36 PM) Aaron Wagner: twss
(3:26:37 PM) David Klotz: i want immunity
(3:26:42 PM) Aaron Wagner: fine
(3:26:47 PM) Aaron Wagner: immunity granted
(3:26:47 PM) David Klotz: i can't help the way my brain works
(3:26:59 PM) David Klotz: if i could i might be a different person
(3:27:15 PM) David Klotz: okay, here goes nothing...
(3:27:26 PM) David Klotz: CUMP - (DEFINITION REMOVED TO PROTECT THE "INNOCENT")
(3:27:42 PM) David Klotz: please be discreet about this
(3:27:49 PM) Aaron Wagner: omg
(3:27:51 PM) David Klotz: I AM SERIOUS
(3:27:56 PM) David Klotz: discretion is key
(3:28:03 PM) David Klotz: this DOES NOT end up on the blog
(3:28:06 PM) Aaron Wagner: no posting this to the blog?
(3:28:42 PM) David Klotz: but at least now i am not the only one with this terrible new delight of a curse word in my head
(3:28:43 PM) Aaron Wagner: so, it is horrifying... but tell me the genesis of this
(3:28:48 PM) David Klotz: hahaha
(3:29:07 PM) David Klotz: i went to type dump and hit a c instead and then i was like, huh, that looks like a curse word
(3:29:13 PM) David Klotz: so i gave it a definition
(3:29:21 PM) David Klotz: two definitions to be exact
(3:29:29 PM) Aaron Wagner: seriously... and that's what you came up with?
(3:29:37 PM) David Klotz: yesh
(3:29:39 PM) David Klotz: sorry
(3:29:42 PM) David Klotz: i know
(3:29:54 PM) David Klotz: you'll never be able to look me in the eye again

So, draw your own conclusions as to what the word means...

Thursday, November 19, 2009

Damn women

So today's post was just a conversation between David and I. PLEASE know that it's just humor; neither of us REALLY believe the things in this post!

(8:40:50 AM) David Klotz: do you want to know what i hate more than anything at this exact moment
(8:40:52 AM) David Klotz: ????
(8:41:05 AM) Aaron Wagner: hit me
(8:41:07 AM) David Klotz: -it's your attitude towards women, aaron
(8:41:32 AM) David Klotz: everything you've said this morning has had an undertone of terrible offense to women
(8:41:40 AM) David Klotz: and i DO mean everything
(8:42:04 AM) Aaron Wagner: I accept your criticism... and I can only say, you're right... I hate women more than you can imagine
(8:42:09 AM) David Klotz: if there was a way to get you thrown in Gitmo for your crimes against these women
(8:42:16 AM) David Klotz: i am sorry
(8:42:20 AM) David Klotz: thought crimes
(8:42:49 AM) David Klotz: all joking aside, women are just awful
(8:42:52 AM) David Klotz: just plain terrible
(8:43:04 AM) David Klotz: God really fucked up when he geave them voice boxes
(8:43:30 AM) Aaron Wagner: I know right... they should just sit there and submit to our orders...
(8:43:55 AM) Aaron Wagner: I wonder how they breathe... I mean their brains are so small
(8:44:06 AM) David Klotz: i mean, you don't want to remove their mouths because they still serve 'a purpose' but...
(8:44:50 AM) David Klotz: basically they are just a few holes with legs and arms and lumps attached
(8:44:58 AM) David Klotz: am i right or am i right?
(8:45:03 AM) David Klotz: 8)
(8:45:08 AM) Aaron Wagner: HERE HERE!
(8:45:11 AM) David Klotz: hahaha
(8:46:06 AM) David Klotz: now do your best to erase this conversation as it is a total joke conversation for satirical purposes

So it begins

In reference to the blog post on my blog that was the conversation about Hitler.

(10:55:29 AM) David Klotz: look man, i am not gonna lie
(10:55:34 AM) David Klotz: i saw different side of you yesterday
(10:55:40 AM) David Klotz: and now, its war
(10:55:49 AM) David Klotz: when you least expect it, you'll know
(10:55:57 AM) Aaron Wagner: hahaha... my wife cracked up... it was AWESOME
(10:56:00 AM) David Klotz: you will feel the defeat at your core

So before that, I was having a conversation with Greg:

(10:32:01 AM) Greg Laurent: this is such crap
(10:32:43 AM) Greg Laurent: daaaamn i forgot to change the output mode preset on all but two
(10:35:02 AM) Greg Laurent: teach me to be in a hurry
(10:35:16 AM) Aaron Wagner: hahaha... suck it greg
(10:38:53 AM) Greg Laurent: i would make some homosexual wise-crack but i don't want to be compared to dave

Let the trash-talk-between-two-strangers commence:

(10:57:20 AM) David Klotz: i might have to order a background check on this Greg guy, and I will make it my mission to have this sort of blind rage squelched at the source
(10:57:29 AM) David Klotz: ;)
(10:57:33 AM) David Klotz: 8)
(10:58:31 AM) David Klotz: it seems as though i am the crutch of a complete stranger's willingness/unwillingness to do/say things to you
(10:58:54 AM) David Klotz: some might say i am a guide-post, like Jesus.
(10:59:52 AM) Aaron Wagner: yes... in my eyes, you're just like Jesus Christ, the saiour of the world... yes...
(11:00:32 AM) Aaron Wagner: spelling fail: saiour...
(11:01:51 AM) David Klotz: i wouldn't JUST like Jesus Christ. I mean, I have known the touch of a woman a time of two
(11:02:12 AM) David Klotz: so in a sense, maybe I am better? Ha!
(11:02:21 AM) David Klotz: I am already feeling the flames of hell at my feet
(11:02:24 AM) Aaron Wagner: HAHA... that would be the defining diference... oh, and the whole rising from the dead thing
(11:02:41 AM) David Klotz: techincally, i am living death
(11:02:50 AM) David Klotz: because i am inherently dead inside
(11:03:02 AM) David Klotz: but still appear very much alive

Meanwhile:

(11:03:07 AM) Greg Laurent: these videos are actually so gay that i think david makes a guest appearance
(11:03:35 AM) Aaron Wagner:
(11:03:19 AM) Greg Laurent: HAHA wow i love insulting someone i don't even know
(11:03:28 AM) Greg Laurent: this is fun

(11:04:29 AM) David Klotz: oh wait, the feud is totally one-sided
(11:04:53 AM) David Klotz: because i don't give not one shit about this other person, George, Geoff, or something like that
(11:05:11 AM) David Klotz: i am glad he thinks of me so often
(11:05:22 AM) David Klotz: any press is good press

(11:08:19 AM) Greg Laurent: brb coffee- i'll go cry while i worry about david not thinking of me
(11:09:19 AM) David Klotz: incredulous
(11:09:37 AM) Aaron Wagner: this is the funniest thing ever... it's actually keeping me from work
(11:09:42 AM) David Klotz: hahaha
(11:09:48 AM) Aaron Wagner: which I am thrilled about

Friday, November 13, 2009

Genesis...

So here is the premise. I have a friend from College, Greg. We talk almost on a daily basis about meaningless stuff (like The Office, women, computers, web, and our utter hatred for all things Microsoft).

Recently, I made another friend at work, David. We talk about similar things and what-not.

Well I noticed the other day that Greg and David have VERY similar personalities (overall personality, politics, tastes in music, etc) and I thought that they would get along great. But, instead I pit them against one another. Here is the initial blog I posted on my blog that sparked this. CLICK HERE.

So, with that, I showed it to Greg. This was his response:

(4:06:02 PM) Aaron Wagner: oh, check this out: http://the-wagners.net

(4:07:44 PM) Greg Laurent: hahahahah
(4:07:47 PM) Greg Laurent: that's awesome
(4:08:21 PM) Aaron Wagner: so this guy, David Klotz... actually reminds me of you in a lot of ways
(4:08:45 PM) Greg Laurent: well that's not all that bad i suppose
(4:09:07 PM) Aaron Wagner: it's good and bad... i mean, how many Greg-like personailites can the world handle
(4:09:07 PM) Greg Laurent: i bet he would support our naming of Greg Seven
(4:09:17 PM) Greg Laurent: mmm 2
(4:09:30 PM) Aaron Wagner: well then we're at our limit...
(4:09:34 PM) Greg Laurent: whew
(4:09:55 PM) Greg Laurent: i was worried I would have to hire someone to hunt david down- you know since I don't have the heart to do it myself
(4:10:00 PM) Greg Laurent: .... like hitler
(4:10:03 PM) Greg Laurent: lol
(4:10:10 PM) Aaron Wagner: HAHAHAHA

So, this was all yesterday. In my next post, I'll post some conversations in which I am pitting the two against eachother... it's... pretty damn funny.